Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I think your dad took our porno
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
