i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
