I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
