I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
