No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
