How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize