You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
