hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
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I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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