We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
