if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
The air was thick with penises
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
