Got a toothbrush?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
