Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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