She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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