how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
