I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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