I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
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weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
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I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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