you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
