Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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