i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Actions speak louder than pants.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
