I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Two words: blizzard sex
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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