The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
