How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
