Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
