forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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