Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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