my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
