I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
