I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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