Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
