Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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