I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
