His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
