I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
