Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
