Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
he thought i was a dude.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
