i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
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