You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
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took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
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I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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