Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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