then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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