i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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