things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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