New low: just hacked my moms facebook
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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