I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
