If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
