Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
