Don't make out with my wife yet
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Randomize
