If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
