I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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