I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
