Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
