so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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