Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
My vagina is officially offended.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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