I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
