Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
