I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
