I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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