I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
