My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
The ass gains better be worth it
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