watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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