i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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