Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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