I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
