Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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