He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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