you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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