So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
