fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
