are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
We left the knife in your bed.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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