his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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