sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
