So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
