dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Thank you for not boning my boss.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
